The party wasn't going to happen and I was watching Numb3rs, comfortably in my bed when I get a text.
Oh god, I hope it isn't the HS dude again, he already tried the booty call thing and I turned him down.
But no, it's Be. She just got off work - it's 3 in the morning. She wants to come over and drink.
She comes in and I hug her. She has been dying her hair since she was twelve and right now it's a dark red, almost purple. Maybe it's a brown red. She has pale skin and her blue eyes shine. She is a little taller than me, skinny with wide hips and pouty lips. She is wearing a purple plaid shirt and a green leather jacket. She comes in talking quickly, cigarette in one hand and pulling her phone out of her beige purse.
"You wouldn't believe - my mother, she came to my work tonight. And I was like what the fuck am I supposed to do, but she's my mom right? So she comes to my work and tells me this guy, she's been staying in his garage, he beat her up. So she's staying in this guy's garage, you know Christopher - his mom had a stroke or something but she can talk. So she is staying in his garage and sometimes she calls me and tells me like 'oh the garage is cold can I crawl into your window?' and she's my mother, right? But what can I do? I want to help her, but really I don't want her to come in. My dad wouldn't want her in. I was supposed to see her Christmas eve and my dad kept telling me to not make her problems my problems, ya know? He was worried but I didn't go to see her. But it was like Christmas eve, and he didn't want me to be upset, but she's my mother. She sent me this text like 'oh I don't want to be a burden' but like she's totally being a burden and she said ' oh I'll just go and I'll borrow your jeans' and I'm like dude, those are my jeans, and she won't even fit in them. Right? But whatever dude. She is homeless an' stuff but she looks good, she's been having three meals a day and shit. At work the security guy was like 'Be, you're mom's here' and I was like fuck. she had these bruises all on her arms and she told me the guy beat her up. she was gonna stay in my car for a bit. and the whole time I was working I was hella stressing out. Like I want to help her but what can I do? But she's my mom and I feel bad, cuz I don't call her all the time or anything. But she left before I got out and I was kinda relieved, ya know?"
She goes on like this for a while. We make our way over to the booze.
I bought a bottle of Captain Morgan's rum, Smirnoff's vodka and Jack Daniel's whiskey.
"I fuckin' hate whiskey" Be grabs the rum.
She's brought her own chaser, a big thing of Pepsi. She drinks straight from the rum bottle. Some rum, some soda. Rum soda, soda rum. She grimaces when she drinks it, like I know I do.
I pour a small glass of Orange juice and add some vodka. I sit down with her and we drink. I tell her about Andon; she thinks it's shady that he has a girlfriend that he isn't that committed to. We go outside so she can smoke. She tells me she has had sex with four guys, but one guy in New York almost had sex with her but they didn't have a condom so they just fooled around.
"He wanted to stick it in and he was like 'oh I'll pull out' and all that shit but I'm not stupid, I know about pre-cum, so I said you ain't stickin' that thing in me" she waved her finger around as she said it.
Be is comforting in a way, because we are fucked up in similar ways. She is usually loud and inappropriate, which I can be too. When I'm drinking that gets worse, but I swear it gets better for her. Or maybe it's when she smokes pot is gets better.
"Hey Sky, you want the Mary Jane?"
She pulls out a pipe that has a very angular shape. We smoke. She doesn't have the best quality weed, but it is free and I am a light weight. I am very stoned. Be has drank quite a bit of rum very quickly. I know I'm not finishing my drink tonight. I take some pictures of her, she has always been very photogenic. We are being goofy. But at this point the pot takes over and I'm having one of those body highs and I can't really talk so mostly I just nod and sometimes I can understand her but most of the time I am spacing out and I have no idea what she is talking about. I smile and look interested. She is venting mostly. I think? I want to draw her but I don't really want to move my limbs.
"You look cross eyed"
It's 6 in the morning, I can't keep my eyes open.
She goes out for another cigarette, I want to sleep. Instead I clean up the glasses, put away the booze. She sounds like she wants to take the party up a notch but I want to go to bed.
I lay down as she comes in. She wants to drive home but I ask her to crawl into bed with me. We both sleep in all of our clothes.
We wake up around 3 in the afternoon.
We decide to go out for breakfast.
We go to a dinner that serves gigantic proportions. We get biscuits and gravy with eggs, sausage and hash browns. She gets a giant orange juice and I get hot chocolate and a giant water. When we talk she laughs louder than necessary and she cusses a lot. When I am around her I cuss more.
When we leave she says something about the sex shop in town, and I say I've never been to it. She yanks the car quickly to the other lane and turns sharply so we can go to the shop. It has all sorts of dildos, dolls, books, lubes, costumes, ect. It is rather large. It surprised me. They have a book that has pick up lines and sex talk in many different languages. I've been wondering how to talk about sex in Spanish. They have a giant dildo that is bigger than my hand. And little those little balls that you stick in your vagina for vagina exercise but they vibrate when you clench and the sales lady says she wears them during the day, just like around town and stuff. I wonder if she has them in right now. I'm defiantly coming back some time.
Be gives me a brand new pair of converses. Wow. I am surprised because she doesn't do that very often. They are so awesome, I need to get some jeans to wear with them.
When I get home I can't imagine staying inside. I tell my mom I am going to see John and I go back to my hometown. Really I can't get ahold of John. I stop by his work just to be sure and he isn't there. I text Maria and Sadie but neither answer. So I go downtown and walk around. I sit in my secret spot and sing to myself and drink the bitter tea I bought. Then I go to listen to the street musicians on the corner. One is cute. Grungy but cute, with a lip piercing. I like piercings.
He plays the banjo and his friend plays the guitar and they sing in a very blues or country kind of way. They look like punks though. They are 19, from two towns up. They will be here tomorrow too. I talk to the cute one. I like him. He is very nice. He has those eyes that are saying something. I want to do him. His name is Javier. I tell him I used to hang out here more, even though I don't look it. I'm wearing my hair in a bun, dark red lipstick, glasses and a black dress with flats and a button up coat. I know I look like a librarian or something. He says they are just clothes. He says they are saving to hitch hike to Santa Cruz. I tell him my friends do that sometimes, and I drop Maria's name. He knows her. He seems surprised I know her. Instant credit, I love her for this - everyone knows her. He went to the bluegrass festival I went to a while back. He used to listen to punk but now he is into folk. We are both hung over. We smile.
It's been raining all day. He has strep throat. He is going to walk to somewhere to crash with his friend. He asks if he will see me tomorrow. I say maybe. As I am leaving he asks for my number. yyeessssss. I give it to him and he calls me so I can save his number. He shakes my hand twice as we say goodbye. I like him.
I drive home happy. I can't wait to go back tomorrow. When I get home the fire place is warm. I grab the dog leash and go out into the rain with our dog Hank. We run around for an hour, me singing to the darkness with my ipod on shuffle. I laugh as we run, my glasses are fogging and covered in stars and diamond in the form of rain. I can't see anything. I'm still in my little dress.
Now I'm home, it's late. My day has been great. When I despair and I forget what a wonderful life I have, I am reminded. I get little reminders. People who love me, cute boys, tomorrows to look forward to. Beautiful brilliant gifts thrown at me. I hope tomorrow is as good as I think it will be.