Hot Tubs (and why they suck)

My mom loves water and is always cold; so she adores hot tubs.

But they suck. They are usually so hot I have to pop in and out, and the air is freezing so that sucks. But more importantly most people think it would be fun to have sex in one. It's hot and all the jets...right? no. Ladies know water just takes away any natural lubrication and shoves bacteria up where no one wants it. I've done it and the noise also blocks you from hearing people walking out to the patio, fyi.

So my mom got a new hot tub and got me in it for about 10 minutes. The next morning I took a shower. And then started the pain and torture of my bad luck. I started breaking out but not just normal breakout - big red sores on my thighs, back, tummy and chest. Then on my arm pits and bikini line. My nipples started to get these sores on them and my breasts hurt so bad I am wearing a normal bra with a sports bra over it. All my siblings and my mom have the sores too and my mom's ear was killing her so she went to the doctor - she got one of the sores in her ear canal. This is what we have (from wikipedia):

Hot Tub Folliculitis (also known as "Pseudomonas aeruginosa folliculitis") is a common type of folliculitis, a condition which causes inflammation of the hair follicle.[1]:272
This condition is caused by an infection of hair follicles due to the bacteria Pseudomonas aeruginosa. The bacteria is commonly found in hot tubs, water slides, and such places. Hot tub folliculitis appears on the skin in the form of a rash, roughly resembling chicken pox and then developing further to appear as a pimple. Hot tub follicultis is extremely itchy, and left alone without scratching will go away much more quickly. If the rash is aggravated, it can stay, worsen, and spread lasting for months. By that point it is much more difficult to treat. The dots usually go away after about 7 to 10 days, but the condition leaves a hyperpigmented lesion that goes away after a few months.

The doctor told my mom hot showers and shaving razors can spread it. ugh. a vinegar compress is the only thing they really recommend at this stage, if it gets worse they give you antibiotics.

And Richard has called me 3 times. I only answered once (the other times I wasn't around to answer). He called me in the middle of night to 'hang out'. I declined, told him to give me a call some other time. If he calls back anytime soon I'll have to pass again - how can I let anyone see me naked with all these sores? It looks like I have chicken pox or something! Plus guys always want to mess with the boobs and they hurt too much for that right now. I guess I am on someone's booty call list though.

Lesson Exchanging Dick

So I was wishing for something to happen, wishing for a boyfriend or a lover or a one way ticket out of here. I am always working towards something but never getting there. So I go to sleep with this wish and I wake up to the phone ringing. His name is Dick. Who the fuck?

So I answer and it is this guy mumbling about a lesson exchange that I advertised like a month ago on craigslist, piano for guitar. He doesn't really know what to say and searches for words. He wants to come over. I tell him to give me 20 minutes. He comes over. I open the door and he is leaning against my railing with a blue acoustic guitar in hand. He is tall. Not really handsome but cute. I am immediately flustered and kind of ramble. I eventually give him a piano lesson, which he picks up really quickly. I like his big hands. When I lean in to correct him he smells nice. I like that he gets music. We sit down to play guitar. I am flustered and I don't get the strumming. He plays margaritaville for me, which I like because he sings well and guys playing instruments are hot. He looks over,
"You don't know this song, do you?"
"No..."
So we look on my computer and he looks at my itunes. He turns on free wheelin' Bob Dylan. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say no, no boyfriend. He asks me, "what would you do if I kissed you right now?"
"um....hope you don't get my cold?"
"What if I don't care?"
He leans over and kisses me. We are on my new bed which has way too many pillows. We are making out and he is on top of me. It kind of occurs to me I should stop him at some point but I don't really want to stop and there seems no right moment for it. So he asks me to take off my shirt and I do, and then he takes off my bra and soon we are both naked and I pull out a condom and he is on top of me. But my glasses have come off, and I realize I have never had sex without contacts or glasses (maybe I did at some point with my ex Drew when he was spending the night, but I knew what he looked like by heart). So I don't get the greatest view of this guy. But he is pale and average sized body (other than being tall and the hands). I'm not sure how big his penis is because I didn't even touch it with my hands, but it was hard to feel at first when we started having sex so that isn't the greatest sign. The whole time he was looking straight into my eyes and I couldn't take it, I couldn't hold his gaze. It mad me feel, like, more naked. But he asks me to get on top and I do and after (I swear) 3 minutes it is over. We both just put on our clothes, he had purple boxers, and as we are doing so he gets a phone call and has to leave for band practice. He says bye and tells me to call him sometime.
I couldn't believe it. I was happy because I was tired of that Amsterdam jerk being the last guy I slept with and I wanted to break in the new bed, and I wanted to meet a guy but I was too nervous and insecure about my weight. And here it just landed in my lap!
So I texted my sister Air and told her my guitar teacher kissed me (yeah, so I left out a few things...) and I told Juliette the truth. But I am not sure what he wanted. A one time thing? I was so shocked and happy I was in a daze. But of course the next day I avoided my phone to miss the urge to text him. I hate not knowing how things stand. I wish guys would just say "yeah, let's do that again sometime" or "well, nice meeting you don't call me".
So I flip a coin about 10 times to see if I should call him today. Every time it said no - can you believe that! But I text him anyways, saying he left his guitar picks. He texts me back with - no joke - "who dis?" and then I say "Sky, the chick you got a piano lesson from" and he says "ok" and that is IT. THE FUCKIN END.
I've been telling myself I shouldn't expect much because I slept with him right away, probably thinks I am a slut but he is a slut too why does it matter? At least we could be fuck buddys, we didn't have a real conversation so I don't think I would be hanging out with him. But I just got my hopes up. I thought it would be more than a one time thing. I don't even know why it matters because it wasn't that good of sex and he wasn't that hot. the one thing i did like about him was he had very nice cologne. So now I wish I didn't tell anyone (but at the time I was bursting to tell someone, I can't even keep my own secrets). I hate how guys are never straight forward. He already had sex with me, he at least could tell the truth!

The Fucking End of lesson exchanging Dick.

My Birthday Weekend

So most of my friends have dropped from the scene. John comes on and off my radar, and Maria is kinda ignoring me kinda not, and Juliette is in Santa Cruz, and the rest have either died untimely deaths or were never really that close. So I have no one to party with on my birthday.

My birthdays have a bad habit of ending up horrible and I cry. But last year was great. Last year was my 21st birthday and I drank whiskey and orange juice and barfed everywhere and the people who loved me put me to bed happy, because tons of people had come to my party. Mostly because Maria invited them. My cousins came from Cupertino though, which was nice of them. Even Crissy came; I think it is the only party she has ever been to. I only have one picture of me in the hot tub just grinning like an idiot. No idea who took it.

But anyways, this year my birthday came again. I'm a Scorpio. Solitary and lonely is my curse. I posted this sad thing of facebook like what the crap am I doing for my birthday and my cousin Jenny invited me to her place in San Francisco. Heck yeah. So I took the long bus ride to her place. When I was the last one on the bus the driver asked me where I was going.
"Folsom and 8th" I said.
"Ok baby, we're going to take a short cut, don't tell anyone. what you doin' in the city?"
"It's my birthday."
"ooo giirrrrrlll, watch out! I'm not kidding man, watch your drink. I know a man should be able to buy girl but youse got your own money to let him buy you no drink. If you are on a date go ahead but no stranger, they going to slip you roofies or somethin'. girrrl, watch yourself. The city can be a dangerous place!"
The whole time this guy is going on all these crazy side streets drivin this fat bus. I was just like "uh-huh, thanks mister" and he dropped me off.
There wasn't really anything to do but wait for my cousin. I got dropped in front of some leather daddy store - the door to the store was metal and you actually had to press a button to get buzzed in. I walked down the street but it was all closed clubs and bars, or gay leather stores. Finally Jenny came. Jenny is actually closer to my Dad's age than mine, but she is really rad. She is in a band that is actually good and has played with other good bands and she owns a dog walking/boarding business. She picked me up in this big smelly van, she looks so much like my aunts.
"Let's make one quick stop, I need some gloves for my Halloween costume" she said.
So we went into the leather store but there were no gloves small enough for her hands - she wanted like biker cops, she was going to be a sexy police lady. So we went to another leather store that had a lady section of latex outfits. It was freaky. I can't imagine wearing all latex.
"These stores are...interesting" I said, looking at a giant suction cup dildo.
"When you get my age you will want something to add a little excitement" she said, thumbing through leather props.
"I'm sorry, we are out of that size glove." said the store clerk.
"How about billy clubs?"
"Sold out too, but we have some other types of clubs and we have whips" the clerk pointed to a wall of whips, paddles, clubs and other things. I looked in the corner at a chair with all sorts of pokey metal and leather instruments around it. hmmmm.
"Hmm," Jenny took down a bumpy club thing and then put it back. "nah, thank you though." and we went out.
"So what do you want to do tonight?"
"I don't know," I said "Whatever."

So we went back to her place. It was this little space between two normal buildings and there was a door, and when she unlocked that door it was like we were still in that little alley and you could see a small backyard that was grassy. Then we went into her apartment. It was small and when you came in you were in a tiny kitchen, to the left was a tiny living room and a bathroom and a normal sized bedroom. The walls were absolutely covered in art, band and concert posters, all sorts of stuff. She had mastered the art of living in a tiny space. It didn't feel cramped but there were lots of shelves and cupboards, and little see through colored curtains and colored glass hanging by the windows. She had a weed vaporizer in her bedroom and we smoked a little before we left. It made me feel stupid and all inside myself so I couldn't talk.
We sat around for a bit and then made our way out to a tapas bar on Mission. It was crowded and it looked like we wouldn't be getting a seat. So we started to leave and we ran into one of her friends, this dude I'll call Jeremy (I can't remember his name). Jeremy was like no no, we can totally get into to the tapas place and sure enough he got us in; he knew the bar tender or something. The food was bomb. We ate and chatted at the bar and after two or three rounds we left, Jenny was paying for me and I think Jeremy was paying for Jenny so he paid everything. Then we were supposed to go to a live music thing but instead we went to his house. We walked there, it wasn't too far and the night was really pleasant. His apartment was up all these stairs. His apartment was painted so cool. Even the roof was painted. It was all aztec themed. One of the bedroom roofs had a big sun on this rich blue sky and the rays of the sun were all squiggly and had little mirrors glued on them so it really shined. There was some girl in there too, I think it was a room mate. Jenny and Jeremy smoked more weed but I didn't want to. We went to three or four bars and briefly peeked in at a music place but it was too crowded.
One of the bars had this great outside patio, we got a pitcher of beer and drank under the stars. There was an overpass that went right to the side but it was raised so you could see under it and I thought this was strange. All through the night little funny things would come out. The only thing Jenny and I really had in common was family, we had never hung out before. So we talked about family but she grew up on the east coast with her mom, not her father who was my uncle Ron. She grew up near my aunt though. She let is slip my uncle Kral was using his antique shop as a front for cocaine back in the day, and our cousin Justin had got hooked very young. But we talked about other things too, like music. Most of the night was this happy haze for me.
We went back to Jenny's car eventually and she drove, which I was nervous about but she did it perfectly. I slept on her couch and felt drowned by dog hair. But it was ok, because I felt loved. After we woke up we went to the park to walk her dogs and we met some other dog walkers - this one guy wanted to be called crazy bill or something like that. Some other walkers recommended a place to eat so we went there afterwards. It was not normally a place I would go, or something I would try, but try it I did and it was fantastic.
Then Jenny drove me home for my family birthday party. We had it at my house because Grandma is still sick and I made the cake myself when I got home. On the way home Jenny kept talking but I hate talking in the car; I like looking out the window.
"Sorry we didn't see any live music last night like I said we would."
"That's fine, I had fun." I said.
"Well that's good. Jeremy just smoked me into submission..." she mumbled something and then we were both silent.

"You know that stuff I said last night, about Justine and that girl? You shouldn't repeat it and the stuff I said..."
"Whata re you talking about?" I said.
"Oh, you don't remember?" She said, her eyes opened wide, "Ok then, that's good!" she kind of sank her seat, relieved. I wondered what she had told me that I obviously don't remember. Family secrets lost in a drink.
Jenny smoked more pot before we got there so she could mellow out, I think she was nervous about talking to the family. She had grown up so far away from her father's side of the family so I think she feels like an outsider looking in sometimes. But heck, I grew up here and I feel the same sometimes. But the cake was nice and everyone gave me such great presents - like ones that were not very my style, but were so typical of them it made me love them more. Like Aunty Air gave me a blank birthday card with a post it inside of it saying I should sell my own cards to make money. That was her present - and the card, she said she didn't write in it so I could use it again. So her. Be and Uncle Ted got me a nice purse though, with a scented pencil and a car shaped nail clipper inside. Oh my family. My mom also gave me a picture of some chairs she wanted to get me from Target (but never did).

Now I'm 22.

the funk

so the funk is what I call my depression crazy-ness thing. It feels a bit like drowning. you go under and then sometimes you cup up, get a little bit of air and then you are sinking again and there is a point where you stop fighting and you just sink and everything gets darker. I call it the funk because it feels really funky.

Signs of the funk include sleeping a lot, not bathing/grooming, not changing clothes, not eating, lack of human contact, feeling very sleepy, not caring about anything, joys such as music and books no longer matter, then comes the self harm and fantasies of suicide and then the plans of suicide but really at that point I'm too tired to do anything and i just lay in bed wanting to die and hating myself.

Yeah, the funk is fun like that. I had it on and off for a long time but it got really bad summer of 08. So I went to the doctors. They did test on e, saw my iron was low but even with it raised I wasn't feeling un-funkified. so they gave me celexa which improved me a little i guess but i still laid in bed all day so they added an upper called welbutrin and that immediately improved my mood and i was getting out of bed and my problems didn't seem so bad and blah blah blah. But is did make me feel on drugs and sometimes I would see stuff or stuff would glow and it made my head kinda foggy and my skin all tingly and odd feeling. I liked the Alice in wonderland feelings but I knew it wasn't a good thing to live in that kind of fog. sometimes i would feel down but it was more of a dip than a plunge and i always came up.

But then there was the peace corps to think about. I want to join really bad and they hinted that my mental problems may make it so i can't go. and once they decide i can't go i may never be able to go. !!! So I was freaking out and I decided it was time to get off the pills and show that I was all better. except i should have been taking them longer. but the doc didn't argue when i said my insurance was ending and so i went off of them in late august.

And now it is October and my medical re-review comes in February and my dad suggested starting to pay for it now since my insurance really is over (you get kick off your parent's insurance when you graduate college). Yesterday I went to bed at 8:30pm and was woken at 8am. I took an hour nap at 11am and then an hour at 3pm and then I slept from 5 to 9:30pm. I have not bathed in at least 5 days, I have not changed my clothes in at least five days. I say at least because I can't remember the last time I did either.

I have lost many friends and I didn't have many to start with. I am alone. I have no job outside the house so I have no reason to leave it. I stay in my room, I babysit, I sleep, I watch netflix movies and shows. I just lay around. For dinner tonight i had a can of corn because I just don't have the energy to cook anything. I don't want the funk to come back. I think it wouldn't if I just had some exercise and social contact. But I can't get either. I don't know ho to get friends and I am just so tired. I sometimes just feel ready for the big sleep. I just want to old on to some sanity until I get to February, just leave and start my adventure and then I will have work, a purpose, forced into meeting all sorts of interesting people. Some people say when you run from your problems they follow you, that you can never get away from yourself. But I think I would be better if I left.

Conversations

My mom is in the kitchen, and I am on the couch in the living room, in the new house there is no wall separating the two rooms so we watch each other.

"I do all this cleaning and your father never says a word."

"He cleans too mom."

"When? He does a load of laundry here and there."

"He does the dishes. I hear him at night when he goes to work."

"I hear you at night too missy; cooking dinner at 10 at night!"

"If I had a stove or fridge in my studio I would cook in there."

"Have you been looking on-line for one?"

"I don't have any money, I am in debt, remember?Lots of debt."

"You know, I hear you can make a bit of money showing your boobs on the Internet."

"WHAT? You want me to whore myself out?"

"Well, I'm just saying, do a little modeling...of your breasts."

This is how all conversations go in my house.

Bad Luck

So H.S. dude turns out to be a waste of time, go figure. He likes to text me every time he hooks up with someone. he'll do the whole "how are you" thing and then say something like "yeah, I hate how everyone in town knows when you hook up - our town is so small!" and it kinda ended for me when he said he had to take two showers because it was one of "those" one night stands. What does he mean by those? Those that have STDs? Ew. And he still texts me like he wants to see me.

So my computer died, and I went into debt to buy another one. My un-lucky streak is not over. And my new job is on call and sucks, takes 2 hours to get there (and then two back). I am surviving off of babysitting and odd jobs. My mom is getting two more foster children. I would say something like kill me now, but it also means she will need more babysitting and I can rake in the dough. And the boys' adoptions are final. Yeeeeeah. And my sister went back home. Exciting. (can you hear the sarcasm?)

I am decidedly overweight, and need to lose weight immediately. Well, after this brownie. Isn't it weird how it sneaks up on you? This is how my weight has been going:

End of H.S. (2005) - 165

I start yoga (06) - 150

Misty makes me her maid of honor, I try to lose weight (07) - 175

I diet hardcore and go to gym(early 08) - 165

I get depressed (late 08) - 175

I am stressed finishing college (spring 09) - 185

I go to Europe (early June) - 170

I drink a lot in Europe, then do nothing in N.C. (late June/July) - 185

I try to eat less and exercise a bit (Aug/Sept) - 175

I lay in my room for all of September - 185

This is really annoying. I eat healthy and don't ever have fast food or soda so it is really annoying that people I know can drink booze and soda and eat crap and are still waaay thinner than me. And it is just genetics, I know that. I have to lose weight though. Basically I just want to look better naked and fit into nicer clothes. I have pretty much decided not to seek out sex until I lose weight. At least it is getting cool enough outside so I can actually do stuff and not lay on the ground dying of heat stroke.

I am going to go a spell tonight about getting better luck (maybe tomorrow night, I'm not sure). I need to pay off this debt and save up for another trip and get some friends and make some music and get some booty and lose some weight and then collapse fulfilled.

Oh, and I read that book by Tucker Max. (google it, I'm not linking the site). He is basically an ass hole who drinks and sleeps with chicks and destroys property and then writes about it. Very funny. But if you are an overweight girl it kills you. He has stories about sleeping with over weight girls and it is not nice. Oh, enough with my weight issues. I think I am going to do some back posts before I write anything new. I will probably be writing about my family in the upcoming posts, so brace yourself.

I Give the D like it was Jesus.

Today was really eventful. I feel like the tides are changing. I have been having some bad luck, which is weird because normally I am very lucky.

But check this: got a random job from someone who knows someone who knows my mom, they somehow knew I was a tutor and I got a gig helping a lady pass the math section of the GED. $90 worth of tutoring!
During that job I got a call from an after school program that wanted me to come in for an interview to be a sub for their after school teachers. I went over and I got the job. All I have to do is get a TB test.
Viki called, she is going to put in a good word for me at the book store she works at. I applied there and I still want that job because I don't really want to be a sub. I want regular hours and regular pay. Something I can count on. But the subbing pays more and looks better on my resume than being a bookseller would. We shall see though. (hope i get it, hope i get it) I want to have both jobs but I don't know how that will work.

I have formed a bad habit of posting to the Craig's list casual encounters/personals. I actually posted "curvy girl looking for good sex". A dude who went to High School with me responded. Hella weird. He used to be on the football team, I didn't pay much attention to him because he acted like an idiot. In his e-mail he wrote "hi u look familiar, kinda like a cutie i remember in high school, so ill take it slo for a sec. I'm in town, you can check out my facebook. Good sex is an understatement, i give the d like it was jesus."
haha, best line ever. the d like it was Jesus. My ad was forward, as were all the other men who responded, but when I actually talked to him on facebook it was about like what we had been doing since h.s. and music we like. And he knew about doctor who! I tried to move the conversation to the sexual sphere but he started talking about relationships. Then we actually had me arguing against relationships and him arguing for them. It was weird. Again the stereotype that men just want sex is broken down. Men as people with feelings is so much more confusing than men that only care about beer food and sex.
So we talk, go to bed late, next day arrives and then I do my day stuff and at night crawl into bed to check my e-mail and suddenly I'm thinking, oo did he e-mail me? This is why I hate my brain. Slightest bit of attention and suddenly I am thinking about this guy a whole lot. A male friend of mine had a long conversation with me while we were drinking whiskey, and then the next time I saw him I said my little brother told me I would be reincarnated as a black widow spider and he said I would never because I am not like that at all. he said it twice. for like a month I kept thinking about him. This is what gets me in trouble. I wasn't even attracted to him before that!
Also, an old friend is coming to town for the weekend. We almost hooked up at his going away party, we were pretty drunk which is why I decided to decline at the last minute. So now I am thinking about asking him if he would like to hook up (hey, and I am not even drunk!). But I'm afraid he will say no, and afraid it will be very awkward if he says no and tells his friends. He isn't that attractive either. I am just really horny I suppose. Or I am longing for some kind of connection, with a dick.
If I don't have sex this week I will scream. and then buy a new dildo.

I think I lost a friend

I am having a really rough day.

I've been emotional lately, I'll acknowledge that. Not many people have seen me cry, I don't really get mad. But the past few weeks everything just gets to me. I catch myself crying at commercials and stuff. So it's probably that I am coming off of some anti-depressant medications. but I don't know, and I can't change it either way.

So I've been calling Maria and John a lot. My two best friends. John has been busy trying to get sober and I've been traveling so I haven't seen him much. But Maria and I are best friends and I see her all the time. Except not for the past month or so. She wasn't ever calling me back, never hangs out. Would only make vague plans to meet up and then wouldn't be there. I was annoyed and thought, oh well she doesn' have a cell phone maybe she just isn't getting the messages but then I e-mailed her. And she e-mailed me back. This is exactly what she wrote:

"The reason I haven't called you is because I have been very busy with my new job and current art projects. Also, I don't really want to hang out at your house and when I bring you around my friends I've noticed that you are fairly condescending toward them. You may not agree with that because you don't realize yourself, but it is apparent to everyone who it happens to and I see it too. They are all perfectly nice and you choose to in a way talk down to them, snub them if you will--it's not very nice. So I dunno, I don't really invite you out to hang with them because of this. "

I honestly had no idea I was acting condescending. I have no idea. But I guess it is similar to my sister saying I act "better" than her. I have no idea how I do it, it isn't like I think I am better or anything. But I was just really hurt by this. I cried on and off for an hour and then started baking (I know, I'm going all Izzy Stevens on you). I mean, I don't have very many friends, and she is my only hang out friend (like friend who hangs out with me on a regular basis). Then I thought - John hasn't been calling me back either. He is really flaky but maybe I am making excuses for him just like I did Maria.

Magically an hour later John calls. He has been avoiding me because he was back on H, and now he is in rehab. Has been there for a week. I just started laughing because just when everything is falling apart it is like god just pokes me and says "oh, it's not that bad". So at least he is ok and I have him.

But I don't have anyone to hang out with and I have to go get my bike from her house tomorrow. She lives in the next town. It kinda feels like breaking up with someone. The surprise, the crying, the getting of stuff and the whole awkwardness thing when you see each other. But of course it isn't as bad as breaking up. The worst part for me is that I have no one to hang out with now. I don't really know how to make friends, that much is clear. And apparently I am condescending but I don't know when I am doing it so I can't really control that.

I e-mailed Juliette and asked her if we were still friends and told her what Maria said and she thinks that Maria has her own problems and just can't deal with my problems and her problems right now, because she had to take up a waitressing job and couldn't transfer schools. Wow, (I sarcastically think), her problems are so hard...she has a job but still lives with her parents so she has no bills, and she didn't transfer because she missed the application deadline which was her fault and she can apply this year. Maria is a cool person but she thinks she is smarter than everyone. She likes to remind me that she would have graduated sooner than me and with better grades but she was having actual fun instead of applying herself, and that she had depression once too so why don't I just get over it. I guess if you don't know much about Maria she sounds like a bitch there but she listens and takes me on adventures and once she helped me take a pregnancy test (she even got someone to steal it for me) and she got my pee on her hand. That is how good a friend she is. or how good I thought she was. She thinks I am being over dramatic and vaguely said we might hang out again one day but somehow it made me feel worse than ever.

My own enemy

It is really frustrating:

I am feeling a bit lonely, an I am daft in the head so I've been laying about watching this old show called Doctor Who. It is si-fi shwo about a alien time traveler name 'the doctor' and a london girl named Rose. Except that I am now watching the second season and they are going with this depressing theme of the Doctor not really loving Rose or maybe leaving her when she so obviously loves him, which is odd because before they were not in love. and they keep exposing the doctor as a guy who loves them and then leaves them. So that got me in this mood and I was listening to all these London accents on the show and I suddenly thought about the man I slept with in London. His name was Joe.

I was staying at Earl's Court (South Kensington, I believe) and there was the Irish Pub called O'Neill's down the street on the corner and it is all blue on the outside. I sat down in the mostly empty place, it was May 30th which wasn't anything special I think and then all these people start sitting at the table I am at. Turns out some photography website on-line meets once a year and I happened to be at the table they planned to met at in the pub they planned to meet at. and so on. But since they are all Internet buddies and don't know what their friends look like in the real world they had no idea (at first) that I wasn't just another member of their group. This guy Joe is the first to talk to me, and he ends up talking to me all night. The name of their group sounded vaguely dirty so at first I thought I walked into something weird but they were all really fun.

The thing is the next morning I decided I never ever wanted to try to look him up. I have a bad habit of getting attached to just about anything. Heck, I looked up and wanted to befriend via facebook this guy I slept with in Santa Cruz. I don't remember much of that meeting, but another story for another day.

So I sabotaged myself. All I wrote in my Journal is that I met Joe in a pub and came home around 6am. There was loads more to that story and the details are all slippery and I can't remember them. I figured out the pub because I used Google Maps, it was only down the street from my hostel. But that leads me to why do I even care? This guy was a one night stand and I'll never talk to him again.

Well, I'll post the full story of him later and maybe you can tell me why I have a soft spot for that memory. I think I already know.

Edit: the story of Joe is here but his whole "fair enough" thing made me crack up laughing every time someone said that ever after (which is alot in Europe).

First Post

Ok, so this is how it is going to go down.

I am going to do this post and then I am going to go through my journals and write in everything that has happened since I took off in May. Because this has been a crazy summer and you should hear all of it first hand, not in side remarks. There are also some bits on information I find interesting (like history) kinda mixed in.

Two things to know - I am trying to keep this annonymous, mostly because if anyone I know reads it they will either be hurt by what I say or shocked by what I say. Because no one in my family tells the truth and everyone has secrets. And this will be like laying my underclothes to dry on the lawn. So if you figure out who I am, keep it to yourself. Names are changed to protect everyone involved.
The other thing to know is most of the posts include details of my sex life. If you find this and you are related to me just you've been warned. No one wants to picture their family doing some things.

So now you got the warnings here is the gist. I'm Sky and I need an outlet so I am going to write about my life here. I hope people will read it because sometimes I feel alone in this. My family are completly nutts and my friends are crazy and everything is all wrong. So it would help me if you just lended an ear and hope this has a happy ending.

Enjoy.