Just add booze

So all day I was looking forward to hanging out with Andon after work. He texts me, "when do you get off of work?", I reply "6pm". I wait, drive home.

I'm at home making dinner, wondering when he will text back. He does around 7. He doesn't want to come, he is in a bad mood. I'm kinda put out, sounds like stupid excuses. "Lame, I thought we could have some beers and listen to music. Text me next time you want to hang out." bummer. I'm kinda emotional, I haven't eaten all day. I make an emo playlist and start listening to sorrow and lameness.
He texts back "I'll take a shower and be over in a few." uh...ok.
He comes over, he seems to be in a good mood. He brought mead over but we didn't drink it, instead we each grab a beer from my new mini fridge. We talk and start doing the music exchange on the laptops, he is quiet mostly because he is on the laptop and I don't know what to say so I nervously peel off bits of the label on my beer. I get a second beer, he isn't finished with his first. I wish he didn't have that stupid girlfriend. But she is moving later this month and they are not going to do long distance. Which makes me hopeful.
Then I start getting stupid. I knew it was getting late but I didn't want him to go, and I wanted him to have a good time and not be so quiet; I wanted to make him laugh. So I tell him my Berlin/Amsterdam story. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!?!?!! I haven't even told some of my close friends that story! Holy moly. But he laughs and then I don't know what to say to top that and then I just keep talking and words are falling and I try to think of my funniest stories and sex keeps coming out of my mouth. Like blah I'm a whore. And I tell him about the possible May. He says I should do it. I say I'm unsure. Then I tell him about some of my High School escapades and then I just keep going. I slowly realize I sound like the slut I am. Oh dear lord, he will never like me now.

Then he says he has to go, and I let him. It is like 1 am. He also says that the next time he has a party to go to he wants to invite me, I'm always fun to hang out with. Ok. Then when he was leaving he put his arms out to hug me (!!!). And it was a nice hug. It made me happy. I like him a lot.


But then he left and I was feeling restless and moody and I wanted to walk but I knew it probably wasn't a good idea since it was so late. I started feeling so stupid because all the things I told him started to sink in - like, if you like a dude and want him to like you and possibly do you, you probably shouldn't say any of those things you said. So I tried not to beat myself up about it. I talked to Ribsy on-line, and he was being weird. Calling me the captain. I took some stupid pictures of me using photobooth on my computer. Then I posted them on facebook. Immediately High School Dude (remember him?) sends me a message on facebook chat and he says nice pics. We start talking. He wants to show me his new tats on his webcam. I know where this is going but I let it go.

He is suddenly super charming. and silly. I talk about how I kinda love/hate my glasses and he shows me his - the ones he never wears. omg ultimate thick black nerd glasses. He asks me to turn on my cam, and I do. We decide to play ten fingers: basically you say "i have...." and if someone hasn't done it they put a finger down, last person with fingers wins. And we made it a drinking game so I opened a third beer. He asks if we can have the other persons strip as a grand prize. I say ok because I think I'm going to win and I don't mind showing him my tits.
I start going "I am so going to win. pssshh"
me first. "I've had a 3 some with two guys."
No fingers down for him.
DAMN.
"I've had a girl finger my ass"
Finger down for me.
"I've had sex in a lake."
no fingers down.
"I've had sex with my cousin."
ew. finger down for me.
"I've had sex with someone I knew less than an hour."
no fingers down for him.
"I've paid a whore for sex"
fingers down for me.


and so on. I was pwnd.

I only had a bra and undies, but I took them off for the camera. He wanted me to lay back and spread my legs.
"No way!"
He put his hands in the prayer position and mouthed "please!"
"10 seconds, that is all you get"
he took of his boxers and waved around his cock, I'm not sure if that was supposed to do anything for me but it looked hella silly.
"I want to do you so bad girl! You have sucha sexy body!"
I can feel myself blushing. What to say to that.
"Why haven't we ever hooked up before?" he asked.
"Well, we kinda talked about it before but you changed the subject. So I blame you."
"I'm free this weekend."
"How about Friday, I get home around 10pm."
"Hell yes."

We talked until 4am, when I had to say "IT IS 4 AM".
"I can't wait until Friday" he said.
"You have my number."

So then later, in the sober light of day, I'm not so sure this is a bright idea. I remember last time I ran into him I thought something like "thank god I didn't sleep with him!". But I can't remember why. And he obviously has had lots of sex, but hey that isn't a bad thing because I have too. But he sounds more whore-ish than I. Good idea, or bad idea? Not sure. And the weird part is that part of me feels guilty. Because I like Andon and I feel weird sleeping with someone else while I like him. It's almost like doing two guys at once, or cheating. But not.

Maybe I should just have a beer or two before he arrives tomorrow...

One down, one to go

All I keep thinking is tomorrow is my last chance - I need to have sex with one new person and it will be an even 10 for this year.


I'm also thinking ow, my hand hurts because I burned it making tea because I am an idiot. I was trying to get that last drop of hot water out of the kettle and I tipped it so far the lid of the kettle came off and, well, out came boiling water and steam onto my hand.

And the other day I was talking to Andon and he said I was easy to talk to and I told him about this song I've been writing and he asked about the lyrics so I sent them to him and he thinks they are wonderful so he is making the music for it and he kinda suggested we hang out tomorrow but nothing for sure and he hasn't been on-line all daaaaayyy and I want to know if I can hang out with him tomorrow because I really want to. Not just for sex. I don't even know if he likes me. But I hope he does.

And Ribsy came over and watched a movie with me. I don't really like him that much. He has gained some weight and has crazy wavy long blond hair and is shorter than I remember and he has this weird little laugh. And by the way he is acting i could tell he just wanted to do me and be done with it but all he got was a hug (I couldn't avoid it and it was weird long). I think the only reason I avoided anything else was because of my cold and constantly eating cough drops. He kept talking during the movie about stupid things and staring at me. Oh well. I kinda knew I didn't like him anyways. Now how to let him down gently?

Oh dear lord my hand hurts.

People probably think I'm crazy because I've been on facebook so much. But the reason is that is the only place I really talk to Andon. Why don't people use aim anymore? geez. Well, hopefully I'll do something cool for new years and you'll get a juicy post on the 1st. If not I am going to drink myself to oblivion and you will hear nothing.

Do I Look like a Slut?

So here is what I am thinking:
1. I am ok with the whole Scott thing. No one got hurt, it was fun, it was like a two/three week stand.

2. I have a high sex drive. One more guy I think makes it a round 10 this year. Why is that a goal in my mind?

3. This makes me a slut I think. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I am not crying in misery but I don't think I will be shouting it from roof tops either.

4. I have options.
Guy 1, Ribsy knows me through John and is a jobless pot head and a musician. He has been texting and IMing me a lot, and keeps asking to hang out. He is ok looking, I haven't seen him in person in a while.
Guy 2, found me randomly on facebook and asked me to go out sometime and hangout. Some of his pics are good, some not good. Could go either way. I forgot his name already.
Guy 3, Andon (!) from the party on the mountain. I started IMing him again tonight, oh my thoughts. He asked about the Scott thing and I said we had a mutual breakup because we realized it wouldn't work between us. And then we talked about music (!), foreign movies (!) and random things like shrooms (!). We have so much in common it is crazy. But enough different where it is interesting. He asked for my number and said we can hang out tomorrow (!).

Of course I will always have the option of looking for a sugar daddy on Craig's list.

But seriously, what to do. I have been pulling Ribsy on a string for a while and I pretty much told facebook guy 'whenever you are free hit me up', and I am seeing Andon tomorrow. Sex sex sex. Slut slut slut. I have no perception of when it is okay to have sex, how much is too much and when I am going too fast for these poor men. I think being upfront is my best option but I know if they think I am a slut it won't be good, but I don't know why. I don't care much about facebook guy but Ribsy could be a nice friends with benefits and then of course Andon would be a great fun dating thing but I don't want anything serious. ho hum. Oh and today I saw that guy Elusive and I just waved and went on my way - I was doing all my holiday shopping in two hours (I have mad skills). When I saw him I thought in my head 'I still haven't taken a shower since I had sex with you yesterday', and then I realized I sounded creepy. I am getting in the shower right now.

And I seriously need to stock up on condoms, I used my last one. I know what I want for x-mas...actually, a new vibrator would be good too.


Oh, and I've been thinking about the whole anonymous thing. I think the reason I am not more careful is because I don't care that much, and the reason I am careful at all is because people are judgey. At least if they find this site and read it I can call them pervs.