So I haven't updated in a while. I've been getting busy.
And I did something CRAZY.
But I'm not going to tell you yet. You get to hear the story a bit.
So Lesson Exchanging Dick had been texting me, and I had been busy on the days he did that. So then when I got the time I texted him and he said he would be over in an hour. So I jump in the shower and FUCK I started my period. But it's the beginning so I think to myself, he won't notice I'm on the rag if I just wash myself and hope for the best. Then I smoke some pot to loosen up before he gets there.
He comes over and he is hotter than I remembered. Somehow I remembered him like the Doctor Who from the second season but in reality he has darker brown hair and his face is less pointy, but he is skinny with nice abs. I am giggly and awkward because I'm stoned, but he seems calm and kind of smiles at me as I giggle. Apparently he is in AA...awkward. But he seems chill with it and we start making out and I notice the hickey on his neck. It doesn't really bother me but I ask him about it, because I don't want to be the other women. But he said it was from some girl he slept with, and that it was kind of annoying. So I just decided not to ask further and just pretend that he has lots of fuck buddies.
The sex was good and he left, saying he'd call me sometime but I figured it would be the same as before - booty calls only. But that's chill.
But then Andon. Remember him? I had a massive crush on him and then he un-friended me on facebook, best described here in the New years Disappointment.
He sent me a message on facebook about how he wanted to be friends with me again. How it was a big mistake and his ex's friends pressured him into snubbing me. I figure the last thing I sent him was something like "well ok if you don't want to be friends, but btw I had really wanted to do you". So I figure he hasn't had sex since January (when his last girlfriend moved away) and he is now trying to fuck me. Fucking really?
But I'm forgiving and I haven't been able to find anyone else to jam with, and what the hey maybe I'll have sex with him because he is cute and I can keep my emotions separate and not fall for him because last time he was a jerk...right? Right. So I say we can be friends again. And I tell him I won't be calling him, if he wants to hang out he can call me. I won't be going out of my way to make this work. So he texts me right away and I had deleted his number so I didn't know who it was. But he wanted to hang out and play music and I said sure, come by after work. And he did.
He shows up and we talk for a bit and are hella awkward. And he asks if I want to smoke a bowl and I say sure so we do. And then we sit on the couch in silence. being super awkward. And then he says really fast
"Wannamakeout?cuzI'mreallyhornyandI'dliketomakeoutwithyouifyou'dliketo" and he is just sitting perfectly still looking at me saying this.
"uh...sure." and I sit for a moment not moving and then we move towards each other and we are so awkward and stiff I think we'll bump heads but we don't and our lips meet somehow. And then his hand is on my back and it feels nice and everything actually feels nice.
And when we touch I'm not really that nervous anymore because it feels good and I don't have to think about what to say or what I look like because we are kissing and that's all I can think about. I privately wonder at how weird it is that I just had sex the night before with Dick, and I'm on my period, and I'm still thinking about fucking this guy. There goes my jamming buddy. I figure I'll never see him after this. It'll be too awkward.
We somehow move to the bed and I take my shirt off and soon we're naked except for my undies and I tell him I'm on my period but I'll still do him if he doesn't mind the mess. And he doesn't mind the mess. And we start trying to but he can't keep it hard. He says this always happens the first time. He has only slept with two other people, he only lost his virginity a year ago. And I'm thinking fffuuuuccckkkk. This may not be a good idea. and I try everything to get him hard and it seems futile and I feel weird about it and I can't tell how he feels.
Every time he gets hard we put on a condom and he immediately goes soft. I am horny and high and I don't give a damn. I get him hard and ask if we can skip the condom, I'm on the rag so who cares. He says, "Ok, I trust you." And we have some sex. But his dick is small and he doesn't seem to know what to do with me. He moans a lot. So much moaning when I'm barely doing anything! But we fuck all night. But he looks into my eyes and he says my name and he hugs me afterwards and wants to cuddle. and oddly instead of being annoyed with the sweetness I want to hug hug back. It frightens me. And in the morning he and I take a shower to get the blood off and then he tries to go to the bathroom in a towel and runs into my dad. God damn it.
He drops me off at work and about 40 seconds before we get there I ask where we are, as friends.
"Oh, well, I wasn't looking for anything serious." He looks guilty. Just what I thought.
"Either was I. So we're just friends?"
"Well, I mean..."
"I just mean are we allowed to sleep with other people?"
"Yeah, I mean, I won't... but it's your body I'm not going to stop you."
I can't tell if he just can't find anyone else to sleep with, or if he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else. Whatever. So done. When I go to get out of his truck he leans in to kiss me.
I hesitate and then kiss him.