Sunday, November 29, 2009


So the holidays are upon us.

Thanksgiving creeped up on me. Usually we have it at my grandma's house. But this has been a tough year for grandma so we had it at our house. Which was stupid.

Everyone keeps coming back to grandma's like it is a magnet and they can't fight the pull. My mom's house is the opposite; it repels the whole family. Everyone got there 15 minutes before dinner was served and left immediatly after it was over.

Here is how the family breaks down on my mother's side:
Grandma had six kids: Uncle Fred is a single alcoholic (newly in AA) who likes any girl who will do him, sports, and gambling. No kids.

Uncle Ken moved to Idaho with his wife Babe, no kids. But they have a weird dog.

Uncle Lee is exiled; grandma has removed him. But he lives a block away and has a son who is my sister's age
Aunt Billie is a single mom with two kids, Crissy is my age and Ed is 12.

My mom has 3 biological children (Air, Me, Dean) and 2 adopted children (Gaggin and Neal) and then foster children. and my poor father.

Uncle Ted has 3 kids but never had custody of the two boys; he raised Be, she is two years younger than me. He has a girlfriend with two teenagers that are model children.

So we don't have T.V. at my house and my mom isn't turning on the radio for the game so that Fred can sit there worrying about his bets. He went into my room and used the computer to watch the game. He brought his girlfriend, who we have never heard of before and probably never will again. Next comes Ted and his girlfriend who is part of the family; she sits on the couch and smiles politley while the kids run around screaming. Ted cuts the Turkey while my mom says over and over "I can't do this by myself!". My dad is wresting the 3 foster girls into chairs. They hired my cousin Crissy to watch the boys and she is sitting at the kid table: she looks miserable. My mom spends the whole meal serving the kids. It is Gaggin's birthday so we put some candles in the pie and he eats in like five minutes so he can get the pie over with and have his presents. It is all he talks about. He is 4 now. He opens his gifts with no one watching except my mom. Mu uncle Ted does his classic manuever - he got my mom to buy his gift for Gaggin, he has no idea what he got him. He never buys gifts himself. We all pick names of adults out of the hat to see who we are buying gifts for this year - I got Ken's wife Babe. Could have been worse. Everyone starts leaving before the pie is even served, which is half way through dinner. Be shows up about that time, late, and my mom mumbles about how Be is so on drugs. We went to the midnight sales at the mall later and Be was halfway through a chocolate fudge cake, haha, munchies.

After dinner I flee to my room and look at old pictures of the family. I feel like they are all dead. I have a new family and they are not the one I grew up with. When I was young Ted never dated, I didn't even know Lee existed, Fred was married and smelled like a bar room floor, I had no younger siblings, we all lived in the same town...what happened?

My boss called and offered me more hours at work. At least I will have a chance at paying off some of my debt this year. I have a plan though.

My plan is to focus on work and composing my music and working out, and by January I should have most of my debt paid off and some weight gone and then I am going to find a fuck buddy. That is my plan. Nothing exciting will be happening for a while (I think) so I am going to back track and type up some older stuff. Until we meet again.

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