Davis, CA

So these last few weeks have been crazy. I promise when things settle down I'll put the stuff from my real journal onto here.

On August 31st, 2010 I became a girl who lives with her boyfriend.

!

So now I live in Davis with Andon and we are happy. haha. Actually we are stressed as all heck. We are both looking for jobs and not finding any. We got a great roommate named Rick. He plays in a band, works the night shift at a mental hospital, and smokes pot. So that's exciting.

We've got everything moved in and just a few boxes left to unpack. I'm going to night school in the hopes of getting a better job.

The sex has been pretty infrequent. I don't want to say "drying up" though. The problem is I was having some unusual bleeding after every sex session, but I'm on depo so I thought oh maybe it's spotting or something. Then it seemed like I started my period but it was kind of light. And I've been on my period for over two weeks now. We still have sex, don't get me wrong, but no more going down on me which means no orgasms for Sky.

I tried bringing up toys or us both masturbating together because he seems upset about the idea of me going solo. But he did not really take it well. I mean, what am I supposed to do? I can't seem to orgasm during sex and he can't do it with his fingers so do I just not get any?

We are also stressed and running around like crazy doing little errands and we just don't have enough spare time to have sex. When we finally get home at night, around 10pm, we cuddle and talk for a few minutes and then one of us is horny and the other passes out. Who is horny and who is sleepy kind of switches.

Yesterday we got in a fight about nothing. I wanted to cuddle but he didn't want to. So I got sad. When I came back from the bathroom he is horny and wants to have sex. I'm all for it but I need time to switch from sad to horny mode. He realizes I haven't switched yet, gets upset, and pulls away. I start crying, he leaves the room. I decide not to wait for him to come back for hours like last time and I run out to the kitchen and ask acusingly, "Why do you always leave when I cry?" He looked at me with his eyebrows raised, innocently sipping his coffee.
"I didn't know you were crying."
"Whatever!" I am sobbing and I go right back into the room to cry. I come out a few times and ask him to come into the bedroom when he is ready to talk.
But it's already noon and we said we would be back home at noon so now we're really late. We're going to a music festival that is hours away and it will be over if we don't go soon.
So finally I confront him, tell him what time it is and tell him we can either talk about it in the living room or he can come to the bedroom. Everything I've been feeling all days comes spilling out of my mouth, but he doesn't say anything. He says he doesn't know what to say. I start to cry and he holds me, and we cuddle. I want to have sex. He doesn't.

It is a long quiet and strained drive back home.

We go to our old dealer's house (We haven't found a new one yet) and I say before we go in "we need to get in and get out, no smoking." She has 3 bongs packed and ready to smoke. SO we smoke. An then we have to go to my mom's house and I just try and act normal and get the kayaks to go to the river music festival. But by the time we get there it is already late, only an hour and a half left before the concert ends.

It takes a while to get the kayaks to the water and then to paddle to where the concert is. We get there for the last few seconds of the last song. Then we go back.

We drop everything off at my mom's, drive back to Davis (our new home) and go to his friend's birthday party. No one is drinking much but Andon starts taking shot after shot of bourbon. He wants to get wasted. And he does.

After an hour and a half at the party he is puking in the bathroom. He lays down on their tile floor next to the patio door. I convince him we should go. When I take him to the truck he is crying. I get him home and he wants a shower and ice cubes to suck on. He wants me in the shower too. I sit there with him laying on me, singing him songs as he moans and every once in a while he leans forward and barfs. I get him to bed and he wraps up in all the blankets. Then cries it's too hot. He mumbles a lot about how he can't do anything right. Then he mumbles more and I have no idea what he is saying.

In the morning he is still drunk. He keeps bothering me and I want to sleep. He says when I wake up he wants to have sex. He misses me.

When I do wake up he is no longer drunk but hungover and doesn't feel good. So we cuddle and then decide to smoke so he doesn't feel sick anymore. Then we have sex. And every time we have sex it's amazing. He's amazing. But I think he is still upset I haven't orgasmed during sex. I keep hoping I will but try as I might it just ruins the sex when I make it all about cumming.

He helped me hang stuff around the apartment and then went on a bike ride, and probably back to his friend's house. They are the only people we know in Davis.

I am planning to make a crazy awesome dinner tonight but I don't think he really appreciates how much effort I am putting into it. I asked him cookies or cupcakes and he says "I don't care." Well fuck, if you don't care who does?

I am so glad I have him though. He makes my world, which scares me because if he is gone then everything is gone. But I have to let myself get close, I can't hold back if I want this to work. I love him to death.

I wish we could cuddle and hang out high and naked all day like we did in the summer.

Hey Baby That's Just What I Like

So I haven't updated in a while. I've been getting busy.

And I did something CRAZY.

But I'm not going to tell you yet. You get to hear the story a bit.

So Lesson Exchanging Dick had been texting me, and I had been busy on the days he did that. So then when I got the time I texted him and he said he would be over in an hour. So I jump in the shower and FUCK I started my period. But it's the beginning so I think to myself, he won't notice I'm on the rag if I just wash myself and hope for the best. Then I smoke some pot to loosen up before he gets there.

He comes over and he is hotter than I remembered. Somehow I remembered him like the Doctor Who from the second season but in reality he has darker brown hair and his face is less pointy, but he is skinny with nice abs. I am giggly and awkward because I'm stoned, but he seems calm and kind of smiles at me as I giggle. Apparently he is in AA...awkward. But he seems chill with it and we start making out and I notice the hickey on his neck. It doesn't really bother me but I ask him about it, because I don't want to be the other women. But he said it was from some girl he slept with, and that it was kind of annoying. So I just decided not to ask further and just pretend that he has lots of fuck buddies.

The sex was good and he left, saying he'd call me sometime but I figured it would be the same as before - booty calls only. But that's chill.





But then Andon. Remember him? I had a massive crush on him and then he un-friended me on facebook, best described here in the New years Disappointment.

He sent me a message on facebook about how he wanted to be friends with me again. How it was a big mistake and his ex's friends pressured him into snubbing me. I figure the last thing I sent him was something like "well ok if you don't want to be friends, but btw I had really wanted to do you". So I figure he hasn't had sex since January (when his last girlfriend moved away) and he is now trying to fuck me. Fucking really?

But I'm forgiving and I haven't been able to find anyone else to jam with, and what the hey maybe I'll have sex with him because he is cute and I can keep my emotions separate and not fall for him because last time he was a jerk...right? Right. So I say we can be friends again. And I tell him I won't be calling him, if he wants to hang out he can call me. I won't be going out of my way to make this work. So he texts me right away and I had deleted his number so I didn't know who it was. But he wanted to hang out and play music and I said sure, come by after work. And he did.

He shows up and we talk for a bit and are hella awkward. And he asks if I want to smoke a bowl and I say sure so we do. And then we sit on the couch in silence. being super awkward. And then he says really fast

"Wannamakeout?cuzI'mreallyhornyandI'dliketomakeoutwithyouifyou'dliketo" and he is just sitting perfectly still looking at me saying this.

"uh...sure." and I sit for a moment not moving and then we move towards each other and we are so awkward and stiff I think we'll bump heads but we don't and our lips meet somehow. And then his hand is on my back and it feels nice and everything actually feels nice.

And when we touch I'm not really that nervous anymore because it feels good and I don't have to think about what to say or what I look like because we are kissing and that's all I can think about. I privately wonder at how weird it is that I just had sex the night before with Dick, and I'm on my period, and I'm still thinking about fucking this guy. There goes my jamming buddy. I figure I'll never see him after this. It'll be too awkward.

We somehow move to the bed and I take my shirt off and soon we're naked except for my undies and I tell him I'm on my period but I'll still do him if he doesn't mind the mess. And he doesn't mind the mess. And we start trying to but he can't keep it hard. He says this always happens the first time. He has only slept with two other people, he only lost his virginity a year ago. And I'm thinking fffuuuuccckkkk. This may not be a good idea. and I try everything to get him hard and it seems futile and I feel weird about it and I can't tell how he feels.

Every time he gets hard we put on a condom and he immediately goes soft. I am horny and high and I don't give a damn. I get him hard and ask if we can skip the condom, I'm on the rag so who cares. He says, "Ok, I trust you." And we have some sex. But his dick is small and he doesn't seem to know what to do with me. He moans a lot. So much moaning when I'm barely doing anything! But we fuck all night. But he looks into my eyes and he says my name and he hugs me afterwards and wants to cuddle. and oddly instead of being annoyed with the sweetness I want to hug hug back. It frightens me. And in the morning he and I take a shower to get the blood off and then he tries to go to the bathroom in a towel and runs into my dad. God damn it.

He drops me off at work and about 40 seconds before we get there I ask where we are, as friends.
"Oh, well, I wasn't looking for anything serious." He looks guilty. Just what I thought.
"Either was I. So we're just friends?"
"Well, I mean..."
"I just mean are we allowed to sleep with other people?"
"Yeah, I mean, I won't... but it's your body I'm not going to stop you."
I can't tell if he just can't find anyone else to sleep with, or if he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else. Whatever. So done. When I go to get out of his truck he leans in to kiss me.
I hesitate and then kiss him.