Tonight I have been making conclusions, and I have been thinking.
1. I desperately want people to like me.
2. I am always trying to get laid, even if I don't like the person that much.
3. My moods change rapidly from very happy to very sad, seldom in the middle. Sometimes I don't know why it changes.
4. I constantly feel the need to divulge information that I should probably keep to myself.
5. I am usually thinking about sex or thinking of a way to get laid.
6. I've applied to join the peace corps - the only thing that really keeps me here is the thought of getting laid. The only reason I would stay is if I started sleeping with someone and they asked me to stay.
7. Almost always what I want to say or do is inappropriate. So I restrain myself. But the more I let loose the more I am afraid people will think bad of me.
So I don't really know what this means. I would like to have sex with May, Coop, Andon and John before I leave - but why? May is about experimenting with someone I feel comfortable with. Coop is I guess because I wanted to sleep with him before and I didn't and then I regretted it, but that was like a year ago so he might not even be interested anymore. Andon has a girlfriend until the end of this month and I'm not sure he is interested either. Mixed signals. He came over today and only stayed for like three hours. We didn't even play music. We just listened to music on the computer and we didn't talk much. I could sense he was getting bored but he doesn't say a whole lot so I just have to monologue and make it funny. And I started talking and hoping it would be funny but it wasn't and he said he would come back soon blah blah and left.
John is a whole other story. I never really wanted to have sex with him until recently, and then it is only like kinda. Like I would if I could but I won't press it. Because of all the people I have been friends with in my life John has always been the most understanding and the least judgemental. He is the only person i can really be myself around - and he likes me (as a friend). I find that amazing. I think that's why I would sleep with him even though I don't find him physically attractive (he's not ugly, just not my type). Maria is my best friend but I know I can easily lose her friendship if I do the wrong thing. I always have to check myself. And the funny thing is I don't think she would see it that way. But then again she doesn't see the real me, does she?
I don't know why I am so emotional, I figure I will always be this way. Why do I act so inappropriately? Why do I say the wrong things? I can't seem to help myself. I tell people I barley know about my sexcapades and being raised by drug addicts. I used to be very touch-y, in that I touched people all the time. When I was talking to them or saying hello. But I realized it made people uncomfortable so I stopped. I don't know why I am so sexual either. Sometimes I love it, it feels like it is such a big part of who I am. But sometimes I just feel like a creep. Like some pervert. I know that even people I am friends with might think I am weird for it. I can't tell them what I'm doing, what I am thinking - because I'm a creep. The weird thing is sometimes when I get drunk and have sex it isn't even about the actual pleasure from the act - I usually want them to get in and get done and tell them to give up on making me cum. I just like the feel of another person.
Showing posts with label May. Show all posts
Showing posts with label May. Show all posts
Monday, January 25, 2010
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
edit
I am unconscious.
[edit]
I found this post with no tittle. Weird. I don't remember making it. I talk in my sleep but seriously no one blogs in their sleep. Which means my memory has gone to crap or someone is messing with me.
But I was thinking about something kinda serious, so off the lighthearted track please. The rest of this post is about rape so you can stop reading if you want to.
Sometimes I am tortured by my own thoughts. Sometimes when I am down I think about Jason.
I think about how good of friends we were. We met in Geometry sophomore year of High School. I copied off of him, I wouldn't have passed if it wasn't for him. We became good friends the next year really. John, Trin, May, Jay and I were all good friends. I used to go to his house every day after school. We would measure how long it took to get somewhere by how many times Le Tigre's song "Deceptacon" could repeat. We were both really into the Beatles anthology. He is tall and pale with curly brown hair and sparse facial hair. He was an eagle scout, I was at the ceremony. We read comics, watched movies, played video games, cooked together and talked about everything. He would sit down and go "Girl Talk!" and we would have tea and talk about our 'girly problems'. Like people we were dating or wanted to date, or about our sex lives. I had a very active sex life in High School, but I only dated two guys. Jay dated two girls, but he was an ass to the first one.
We went to the city together and to his cabin for snowboarding (his dad tried to teach me). We shared a limo to prom and crashed at his house afterwards. My mom would say "now why don't you date him!" But I always said he was more like a brother. And we both agreed on this. As time went on I got dumped and was sad. John was more into drugs and PJ started to hang out with us. We would sit in John's room smoking the hookah and listening to records. Sometimes drinking beer or whiskey. John had some Wild Parties. We only had one party at Jay's, his 21st. Be got me wasted by slipping more alcohol in my drink every time I wasn't looking. I got so sick. Pj stayed with me all night and took care of me. Be and Jay went upstairs and watched porn, and he hit on her which she just thought was funny. Kinda bugged me. Once he had us all over for a pool party at his neighbor's house. He caught me and my ex doing it in the changing room. All my graduation pictures have us next to each other. He used to come over and hold my brother Dean, who was born the year we graduated High School. We were friends for years and all this stuff gets mixed in.
Then one day somewhere in the Spring of 2006 there was a party at John's house. Jay had got dumped and was sad and knew I was still sad about being dumped by Westly. And Jay had spent the last few weeks trying to convince me that drugs would help me feel better. At least for the night, and didn't I deserve a night of fun? So Pj sold Jay some oxy. He crushed it up and put it into lines for me. I told him I was nervous. He rolled up a dollar bill.
"Just put one finger on this nostril and put the dollar straw in the other, and snort it."
And I did.
I was surprised at how quickly I felt it. It was like water pouring down over my head. Relax. It said relax.
John was doing some DOB (like Acid). Jay went out of the room, and so did PJ. I laid down. My limbs felt heavy. Everything was heavy. I wanted to sleep. I could hear Jay on the radio, they had him call in and he sounded stoned. Everyone laughed in the other room.
I took a sudden breath. I realized I hadn't been breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. I had to concentrate.
Jay came in and laid next to me in John's twin bed. I'm not sure if John was there or not.
Jay stroked my hair. That was nice. My hair was in my face. I couldn't raise my arm to move it.
He kissed my forehead. ok.
He kissed my neck. What is he doing?
"No Jay". It was a whisper. Where had my voice gone?
He breathed into my ear. Kissed my ear. My neck. Pressing against me.
"Jay, stop. no" quiet quiet my voice was so small.
He kissed further down on my neck. my chest.
"no" I couldn't say it louder. my head was swimming. stay awake. breathe. stay awake.
He was getting on top of me. so heavy. I can't breathe. he is so heavy.
"don't. " I tried to push him off. I don't think my arms could even lift from my sides. So heavy.
"please." I closed my eyes. "please don't" so quiet.
I heard someone open the door. I tried to say help but I had no breath. heavy. heavy. Stay awake.
The door shut. Heavy. Hands going down my top.
Escape, Sky. Go to sleep.
Darkness.
I woke up.
I was on the twin bed with him laying next to me. My brain felt fogged. I didn't really remember yet. I pushed myself off the bed. I didn't know why but I didn't want him laying next to me. So tired. I laid on the floor next to John. He turned on Pink Floyd's Dark side of the moon. I drifted in a hazy sleep. Kind of awake. The music was rocking me in a lull.
CLANG.
"Shit!"
The clocks rang on the album. It was like that fogged window I was looking through shattered. I was awake. I was frightened. And everything came back. I remembered what happened. I went to the bathroom. I checked my vagina. Something was up, but I couldn't feel if there was any sperm. I felt confused. I went back to John's room. Laid down on the floor.
"Hey Jay?"
"Hmm?" he said in a sleepy voice.
"Do you remember what happened last night?"
"Why?"
"Do you remember...uh....kissing my neck?"
"Kind of..."
"You did more than kiss me I think. I asked you to stop and you didn't."
"I don't know about that."
John was sitting up now, he said "I saw you guys on the bed. You looked like you were having sex."
"I didn't want to have sex." I said. I felt like I was going to puke.
"I got to go."
I got up on shaky legs. I walked downstairs. John came out.
"You alright?"
"Yeah."
I went outside. Got in my car. I sat for a minute before starting it. What to do.
I thought about Jay. I thought about John. I thought about the oxy.
Should I report it?
No one will believe me. And I'll have to tell the police and the court and everyone. And they'll point out how I was on drugs. My parent's will know. John isn't a good witness they'll say.
As I turned the key I remember thinking, no. I'm going home. I'm going to take a long hot shower. I was determined.
I didn't want anyone to look at me.
I felt guilty in the shower, cleaning under my nails.
I hesitated as I threw my panties into the washer.
I didn't want to eat. I felt sick.
My dad touched my shoulder and I jumped, my whole body pulled away. I remember him looking at me, as if he could see something was wrong.
Sometimes I think what would have happened if I pretended like nothing happened. If I was still Jay's friend. I miss having a best friend. Always willing to hang out when I call. But then I remember how he raped me. My nightmares. I felt so guilty. And why didn't John stop him? I remember how slowly more people knew. How everyone told me to not say anything. Not make it a big deal. It changed who I hung out with. I was worried about running into him all the time.
The weirdest part was having my friends still hang out with him. I told John, Karen, and Maria soon after. A few weeks later Jay left John when he was O.D.ing, and John still talks to him. I just can't understand. Once I broke down crying and I told my mom, I blurted it out. She had been asking and asking me why Jay wasn't hanging around. She held me as I cried. She told me every summer her Grandfather would molest her, every night. She never told anyone and she spat on his grave when he died. What the fuck. When I told Karen she told me about how she was raped. Maria told me about her rape.
I was walking down the street next to the park, walking my dog when John called. He told me PJ killed himself. His mom had found him in the garage with the car running. I remember when PJ killed himself. I went to the funeral. I was crying when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I could smell him as I turned my head. Jay. He opened his mouth to say something and I ran out of there. The services were just ending and I lost myself in the throng of people leaving. The beginning of the most depressed I've even been. Months later I went to a therapist; she asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't talk. When the words tried to come out my voice was gone. I was quiet like then. And I just sat there and cried.
Sometimes I miss him. I just wish someone loved me and could hold me.
[edit]
I found this post with no tittle. Weird. I don't remember making it. I talk in my sleep but seriously no one blogs in their sleep. Which means my memory has gone to crap or someone is messing with me.
But I was thinking about something kinda serious, so off the lighthearted track please. The rest of this post is about rape so you can stop reading if you want to.
Sometimes I am tortured by my own thoughts. Sometimes when I am down I think about Jason.
I think about how good of friends we were. We met in Geometry sophomore year of High School. I copied off of him, I wouldn't have passed if it wasn't for him. We became good friends the next year really. John, Trin, May, Jay and I were all good friends. I used to go to his house every day after school. We would measure how long it took to get somewhere by how many times Le Tigre's song "Deceptacon" could repeat. We were both really into the Beatles anthology. He is tall and pale with curly brown hair and sparse facial hair. He was an eagle scout, I was at the ceremony. We read comics, watched movies, played video games, cooked together and talked about everything. He would sit down and go "Girl Talk!" and we would have tea and talk about our 'girly problems'. Like people we were dating or wanted to date, or about our sex lives. I had a very active sex life in High School, but I only dated two guys. Jay dated two girls, but he was an ass to the first one.
We went to the city together and to his cabin for snowboarding (his dad tried to teach me). We shared a limo to prom and crashed at his house afterwards. My mom would say "now why don't you date him!" But I always said he was more like a brother. And we both agreed on this. As time went on I got dumped and was sad. John was more into drugs and PJ started to hang out with us. We would sit in John's room smoking the hookah and listening to records. Sometimes drinking beer or whiskey. John had some Wild Parties. We only had one party at Jay's, his 21st. Be got me wasted by slipping more alcohol in my drink every time I wasn't looking. I got so sick. Pj stayed with me all night and took care of me. Be and Jay went upstairs and watched porn, and he hit on her which she just thought was funny. Kinda bugged me. Once he had us all over for a pool party at his neighbor's house. He caught me and my ex doing it in the changing room. All my graduation pictures have us next to each other. He used to come over and hold my brother Dean, who was born the year we graduated High School. We were friends for years and all this stuff gets mixed in.
Then one day somewhere in the Spring of 2006 there was a party at John's house. Jay had got dumped and was sad and knew I was still sad about being dumped by Westly. And Jay had spent the last few weeks trying to convince me that drugs would help me feel better. At least for the night, and didn't I deserve a night of fun? So Pj sold Jay some oxy. He crushed it up and put it into lines for me. I told him I was nervous. He rolled up a dollar bill.
"Just put one finger on this nostril and put the dollar straw in the other, and snort it."
And I did.
I was surprised at how quickly I felt it. It was like water pouring down over my head. Relax. It said relax.
John was doing some DOB (like Acid). Jay went out of the room, and so did PJ. I laid down. My limbs felt heavy. Everything was heavy. I wanted to sleep. I could hear Jay on the radio, they had him call in and he sounded stoned. Everyone laughed in the other room.
I took a sudden breath. I realized I hadn't been breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. I had to concentrate.
Jay came in and laid next to me in John's twin bed. I'm not sure if John was there or not.
Jay stroked my hair. That was nice. My hair was in my face. I couldn't raise my arm to move it.
He kissed my forehead. ok.
He kissed my neck. What is he doing?
"No Jay". It was a whisper. Where had my voice gone?
He breathed into my ear. Kissed my ear. My neck. Pressing against me.
"Jay, stop. no" quiet quiet my voice was so small.
He kissed further down on my neck. my chest.
"no" I couldn't say it louder. my head was swimming. stay awake. breathe. stay awake.
He was getting on top of me. so heavy. I can't breathe. he is so heavy.
"don't. " I tried to push him off. I don't think my arms could even lift from my sides. So heavy.
"please." I closed my eyes. "please don't" so quiet.
I heard someone open the door. I tried to say help but I had no breath. heavy. heavy. Stay awake.
The door shut. Heavy. Hands going down my top.
Escape, Sky. Go to sleep.
Darkness.
I woke up.
I was on the twin bed with him laying next to me. My brain felt fogged. I didn't really remember yet. I pushed myself off the bed. I didn't know why but I didn't want him laying next to me. So tired. I laid on the floor next to John. He turned on Pink Floyd's Dark side of the moon. I drifted in a hazy sleep. Kind of awake. The music was rocking me in a lull.
CLANG.
"Shit!"
The clocks rang on the album. It was like that fogged window I was looking through shattered. I was awake. I was frightened. And everything came back. I remembered what happened. I went to the bathroom. I checked my vagina. Something was up, but I couldn't feel if there was any sperm. I felt confused. I went back to John's room. Laid down on the floor.
"Hey Jay?"
"Hmm?" he said in a sleepy voice.
"Do you remember what happened last night?"
"Why?"
"Do you remember...uh....kissing my neck?"
"Kind of..."
"You did more than kiss me I think. I asked you to stop and you didn't."
"I don't know about that."
John was sitting up now, he said "I saw you guys on the bed. You looked like you were having sex."
"I didn't want to have sex." I said. I felt like I was going to puke.
"I got to go."
I got up on shaky legs. I walked downstairs. John came out.
"You alright?"
"Yeah."
I went outside. Got in my car. I sat for a minute before starting it. What to do.
I thought about Jay. I thought about John. I thought about the oxy.
Should I report it?
No one will believe me. And I'll have to tell the police and the court and everyone. And they'll point out how I was on drugs. My parent's will know. John isn't a good witness they'll say.
As I turned the key I remember thinking, no. I'm going home. I'm going to take a long hot shower. I was determined.
I didn't want anyone to look at me.
I felt guilty in the shower, cleaning under my nails.
I hesitated as I threw my panties into the washer.
I didn't want to eat. I felt sick.
My dad touched my shoulder and I jumped, my whole body pulled away. I remember him looking at me, as if he could see something was wrong.
Sometimes I think what would have happened if I pretended like nothing happened. If I was still Jay's friend. I miss having a best friend. Always willing to hang out when I call. But then I remember how he raped me. My nightmares. I felt so guilty. And why didn't John stop him? I remember how slowly more people knew. How everyone told me to not say anything. Not make it a big deal. It changed who I hung out with. I was worried about running into him all the time.
The weirdest part was having my friends still hang out with him. I told John, Karen, and Maria soon after. A few weeks later Jay left John when he was O.D.ing, and John still talks to him. I just can't understand. Once I broke down crying and I told my mom, I blurted it out. She had been asking and asking me why Jay wasn't hanging around. She held me as I cried. She told me every summer her Grandfather would molest her, every night. She never told anyone and she spat on his grave when he died. What the fuck. When I told Karen she told me about how she was raped. Maria told me about her rape.
I was walking down the street next to the park, walking my dog when John called. He told me PJ killed himself. His mom had found him in the garage with the car running. I remember when PJ killed himself. I went to the funeral. I was crying when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I could smell him as I turned my head. Jay. He opened his mouth to say something and I ran out of there. The services were just ending and I lost myself in the throng of people leaving. The beginning of the most depressed I've even been. Months later I went to a therapist; she asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't talk. When the words tried to come out my voice was gone. I was quiet like then. And I just sat there and cried.
Sometimes I miss him. I just wish someone loved me and could hold me.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New Years Resolutions?
So John came over for the eve and I was feeling less dramatic than when I posted so we talked and had a good time. I was in the middle of my wonderful Berlin/Amsterdam story when the New Years came and went, and we never noticed. He said the story was epic, perfect way to end a decade.
"What are your new years resolutions?" He asked.
"Hmmm" I hadn't thought about it yet. "Have an orgasm during sex"
"Penetration?"
"Yeah."
"That's a fucking good resolution."
"Yeah, that is a FUCKING good resolution" He said. "Oh, no pun intended!"
"uh-huh"
"That's cool though. I'm sure it will come to you. no pun intended"
We both just laughed.
So it was. He went home around 2am, with promises of playing music together and hanging out more. Told me he would call me. After he left I pondered for a moment. He had brought up the having a threesome thing again. Good idea or no?
So I go on-line today and decide to see what May is doing. May was friends with me in High School; I remember she came onto me once when I was sleeping over at her house, but I had a boyfriend (Drew) and was weirded out and slightly turned on by the incident. Oddly enough she is the first person I called when I needed someone to hold me after Drew confessed he had been cheating on me with everyone. But anyways she came back in town for the holidays and I want her and John to go to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show with me. But she is busy. I turn the subject to lady parts - as in, I always wanted to have sex with a lady, how do you do that?
Our Convo:
May
do you masturbate?
not so different
I mean practice makes perfect
and then there's oral
that can be scary
but to start with
fingering is great
Sky
do you use vibrators or anything with each other?
May
don't know how you feel about toys, I don't
you can
not usually vibrators, just dildos
Sky
do you do strap ons?
May
not me
I've never been with anyone that does
it's not super common
Sky
are what girls like done to them very different, or is all pretty much the same?
May
hmmm
ok
well in the vanilla community (non-BDSM)
it's pretty similar
Sky
i know what vanilla is silly
May
well some people don't
ahah
a lot of people don't actually
but Yay!
um so
in the vanilla community, it's pretty similar
I mean there are small variations like in anything else
some women have a hard time getting to climax and you have to start quickly and slow down
other women are opposite
but that's stuff you learn throughout a relationship
Sky
yeah
May
some women like certain things in foreplay
nipples are really good for some and too much or useless for others
really depends
just have to read reactions
Sky
weird, i thought everyone liked the nipples thing
May
most
for some women it's really good like helps in orgasm
for some women, they're so sensitive it can hurt
or it's too overwhelming during orgasm
or it's exactly the trigger they need for orgasm
women are certainly more complex to bring to orgasm than men
Sky
yeah
May
but ok
basics wise
I mean it's very similar to masturbating
start with some foreplay
move on to the clit
sometimes you stay there
but usually you want to alternate between clit and vaginal penetration
if you're good with both hands clitoral and vaginal simultaneously is really good
Sky
yeah
May
if you're doing oral, then you use your tongue and teeth for the clit
and your dominant hand for vaginal penetration nd G-spot stimulation
it also helps (here's a trick) to push your chin lightly against her stomach just over the G-spot while you finger her
it increases stimulation and makes orgasm easier
Sky
wow
May
oh and I have found
that circles is much better than in-out thrust motion
circles are the trick
Sky
I'll remember that
May
haha I may have just given you way more info than you wanted
sorry
Sky
no way man
if you remember how horny i was in high school, triple that
i am more dirty than you probably
May
hahaha
omg
we should hang out
haha
Sky
we so should
lol
May
I love sex
Sky
me too
SO subject turns to BDSM, as in I ask how vanilla are you. Because these are my New Years Resolutions:
1. Have orgasm during vaginal penetrative sex, without using a toy or my hands
2. Have sex with a lady
3. Experiment more with BDSM (I'm a sub)
4. Have a 3, 4 or more some
5. Run a under 10 minute mile
6. Write a song by myself
7. Read all the books in my bookcase
8. Be debt free
So four are sexual, four not. Pretty even. I'm happy with it. But that brings us back to May - she is looking for someone to experiment with. So I say "too bad you're not single. I'm looking for a dom."
and she was like "I'm looking for a sub. I'm worried about the distance though, since you live here. I'm going to have a talk with my girl, I'm hoping we aren't monogamous."
"Well in that case I can just come down to visit you when I have time off"
"We need to keep in touch"
"We do"
DAMN MY LIFE IS AWESOME.
So I call John to see if he wants to go to the show tonight but he is undecided. I tell him about Maybe May and tell him to keep it a secret because it is a maybe after all. He is like damn, too bad she is a lesbian or we could all three do something. Oh damn.
"You still want to do a three some? We've talked about it a lot but we were always drunk."
"Yeah, I do want to. I've just always *mumble mumble*."
"Well in that case I'll look around for someone. It can't be that hard, what with the luck I've been having."
DAMN. This might make life awkward for John and I, though. We've been good friend for a long time. But I've kinda wanted a friend with benefits for a while. HMMMMMM.
I need to get rid of this cough and get busy. 2010 is going to be FUCKING awesome.
"What are your new years resolutions?" He asked.
"Hmmm" I hadn't thought about it yet. "Have an orgasm during sex"
"Penetration?"
"Yeah."
"That's a fucking good resolution."
"Yeah, that is a FUCKING good resolution" He said. "Oh, no pun intended!"
"uh-huh"
"That's cool though. I'm sure it will come to you. no pun intended"
We both just laughed.
So it was. He went home around 2am, with promises of playing music together and hanging out more. Told me he would call me. After he left I pondered for a moment. He had brought up the having a threesome thing again. Good idea or no?
So I go on-line today and decide to see what May is doing. May was friends with me in High School; I remember she came onto me once when I was sleeping over at her house, but I had a boyfriend (Drew) and was weirded out and slightly turned on by the incident. Oddly enough she is the first person I called when I needed someone to hold me after Drew confessed he had been cheating on me with everyone. But anyways she came back in town for the holidays and I want her and John to go to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show with me. But she is busy. I turn the subject to lady parts - as in, I always wanted to have sex with a lady, how do you do that?
Our Convo:
May
do you masturbate?
not so different
I mean practice makes perfect
and then there's oral
that can be scary
but to start with
fingering is great
Sky
do you use vibrators or anything with each other?
May
don't know how you feel about toys, I don't
you can
not usually vibrators, just dildos
Sky
do you do strap ons?
May
not me
I've never been with anyone that does
it's not super common
Sky
are what girls like done to them very different, or is all pretty much the same?
May
hmmm
ok
well in the vanilla community (non-BDSM)
it's pretty similar
Sky
i know what vanilla is silly
May
well some people don't
ahah
a lot of people don't actually
but Yay!
um so
in the vanilla community, it's pretty similar
I mean there are small variations like in anything else
some women have a hard time getting to climax and you have to start quickly and slow down
other women are opposite
but that's stuff you learn throughout a relationship
Sky
yeah
May
some women like certain things in foreplay
nipples are really good for some and too much or useless for others
really depends
just have to read reactions
Sky
weird, i thought everyone liked the nipples thing
May
most
for some women it's really good like helps in orgasm
for some women, they're so sensitive it can hurt
or it's too overwhelming during orgasm
or it's exactly the trigger they need for orgasm
women are certainly more complex to bring to orgasm than men
Sky
yeah
May
but ok
basics wise
I mean it's very similar to masturbating
start with some foreplay
move on to the clit
sometimes you stay there
but usually you want to alternate between clit and vaginal penetration
if you're good with both hands clitoral and vaginal simultaneously is really good
Sky
yeah
May
if you're doing oral, then you use your tongue and teeth for the clit
and your dominant hand for vaginal penetration nd G-spot stimulation
it also helps (here's a trick) to push your chin lightly against her stomach just over the G-spot while you finger her
it increases stimulation and makes orgasm easier
Sky
wow
May
oh and I have found
that circles is much better than in-out thrust motion
circles are the trick
Sky
I'll remember that
May
haha I may have just given you way more info than you wanted
sorry
Sky
no way man
if you remember how horny i was in high school, triple that
i am more dirty than you probably
May
hahaha
omg
we should hang out
haha
Sky
we so should
lol
May
I love sex
Sky
me too
SO subject turns to BDSM, as in I ask how vanilla are you. Because these are my New Years Resolutions:
1. Have orgasm during vaginal penetrative sex, without using a toy or my hands
2. Have sex with a lady
3. Experiment more with BDSM (I'm a sub)
4. Have a 3, 4 or more some
5. Run a under 10 minute mile
6. Write a song by myself
7. Read all the books in my bookcase
8. Be debt free
So four are sexual, four not. Pretty even. I'm happy with it. But that brings us back to May - she is looking for someone to experiment with. So I say "too bad you're not single. I'm looking for a dom."
and she was like "I'm looking for a sub. I'm worried about the distance though, since you live here. I'm going to have a talk with my girl, I'm hoping we aren't monogamous."
"Well in that case I can just come down to visit you when I have time off"
"We need to keep in touch"
"We do"
DAMN MY LIFE IS AWESOME.
So I call John to see if he wants to go to the show tonight but he is undecided. I tell him about Maybe May and tell him to keep it a secret because it is a maybe after all. He is like damn, too bad she is a lesbian or we could all three do something. Oh damn.
"You still want to do a three some? We've talked about it a lot but we were always drunk."
"Yeah, I do want to. I've just always *mumble mumble*."
"Well in that case I'll look around for someone. It can't be that hard, what with the luck I've been having."
DAMN. This might make life awkward for John and I, though. We've been good friend for a long time. But I've kinda wanted a friend with benefits for a while. HMMMMMM.
I need to get rid of this cough and get busy. 2010 is going to be FUCKING awesome.
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